I Had a Million Thoughts in My Head

by Empathy

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released October 9, 2012

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tags: punk Nashville


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Track Name: Living Loud
We are the youth
Sick of war
Sick of power
and disinformation

Sick of being lied to

We’re landing on our feet
And running as fast as we can

Not waiting for
Every bitter old man to die
Every wolf to feed on its prey

Because we’re the kids fighting without weapons
And using our minds

I woke up today with a million thoughts in my head
About what this place will make of me
Still stuck in this personal hell
I’ve made for myself
But now I see I’m not alone
I can’t do this on my own
So many thoughts in my head
Track Name: Capital I
Locked in my self doubt
I will never escape
As the waters of my depression
Start rising to my waist
It feels like merely living has been
my selfless accomplishment
And I’m so sick and tired
Of trial and error

The conditions are bleek
All morale is challenged
In this town where I know my fate
Is in sync with all my past regrets
But the first world
Comes at a price
And too many times I forget
Who I am and how to stand

Life isn’t life when happiness
comes on a piece of paper
when beauty fades
when want is need
and when God is you and me

But in my head
I am truly dead

I, I need, I needed this, I needed everything to go my way
Because I’ve forgotten the difference between right and privilege

I use to always romanticize
The idea of my own suicide
Just wishing that I could live
with my heart in my hands
Thinking no one cares
Is truly unfair
And I sit here
Harboring my make believe
While this cruel world
Takes another life
From a boy who would kill for mine
Track Name: Sleepless
Staying awake for too late again
I light cigarettes that never calm my nerves
I can’t settle down, I can’t settle in to my mediocrity
lying here wanting this world to know
That I breathe
That I see
That I act
and react
But I can’t fix all your problems
Answer all your questions
Because I can’t do the same for myself

I lay awake at night
Counting minutes, breathing slow
And when I slip into my nightmares
I see the visions of all the things
That keep my heart at bay
That keep me from moving on
That keep me from living life
That keep me from falling asleep
3 am and stuck in hell
shut my eyes and fall from grace

I try hard to face this and be bold
But I always end up being too cold
The people I love fade away
Dreams disappear and I can't navigate
I’ve got to find a way out
Track Name: The Past
Just wondering why oh why I ever acted on my feelings
Just wishing I oh I could leave the place I’m living for the place
that I am wanted

Keeping seated in the pews of this church
Bowing my head to reflect and regret
It’s a wonder how her eyes met mine
But now she’s gone and I swear to God that I won’t compromise

But pushing forward isn’t easy
I can’t compete with everyone fighting
With so much history at stake
I’m just looking for a place to plant my name
Your head is filled with fear and loathing
For the one who always stops your breathing

And I can’t catch up
To open up your lungs
And open up your eyes

Still wishing I could hide with her forever

Blinded eyes stay mesmerized with every lie
They keep inside to never realize they never lived their life

But pushing forward isn’t easy
I can’t compete with everyone fighting
With so much history at stake
I’m just looking for a place to plant my name
Your head is filled with fear and loathing
For the one who always stops your breathing
Are you even alive?

So who am I stop you
I’m scared of you
And I hardly even know you
But you hate me
I’m dirt
I’m waste
I’m filth
Well, I’m sorry for the dirt
I’ve kicked in your eye but
You’re never letting go
Moving on
Thinking straight
Being wise
Because those eyes keep you mesmerized

We’re never letting go…
Track Name: Cut Out Your Tongue
The fear you keep so close
Makes you feel safe inside
The distance you keep from us
Keeps you isolated

This place is home for everyone
We’re just strangers with the same beating pulse
but my tolerance for the intolerant
has been shaken

Speak every filthy word
About things you’ll never understand
You can’t relate or appreciate
The fact that some pave their own way
Walked away from this beaten path
Because we won’t die young
I’m falling away before I beat myself
To death

Don’t you see?
You have no room
No room for hate
No room for pointing fingers
No room for labels
No room for ignorance

So just simply cut out your toungue

Cut out your tongue
Open up your mind
Track Name: Kids Today
I see these kids running full force into everything they love
But you never let them have their say
You think you’ve heard it all before
You think you’ve seen it all before

I understand you grew up here and run your mouth on how nothings the same

Well I never got a chance to see the glory days
but my time is now and this is my city
where I’m gonna take every chance I’m given
and give every chance back

These bragging rights eat at me
and they’re making us

Well your jaded apathy won’t take everything
I’ve grown to love away from me!
Track Name: Phoenix
I’ve been quiet for you
I’m always trying for you
Nineteen years flashed by in the blink of an eye
Don’t let me cry here
Don’t let me die here

It’s a common misconception
To think that when we die
we fall all alone
But this world falls by my side
It’s looking me dead in the eye
I want to be reborn into the
better part of me

All my time spent wishing
Was the time I spent wasted
Wasted away on everything
Before I make that change
I’ll burn away

Burn away

Still trying to expand my search
Standing in the ashes of my rebirth
Track Name: Praying Hands
Grave digger, give me a funeral to call my own
Because living forward with fear is turning me inside out
With every thought that creates this paradox, I’m scarred
Then I heard from the clouds
give me your hands and I’ll tell you to never be afraid

What a lie I can create
What a mistake I’ve made
To let you inside this nightmare called my mind.
If only I was stronger
If only I was better
If only I could be what they want me to be

So now conviction’s lost
but if I’ve lived and loved
I think it’s safe to say
That I have lived enough

Hand in hand to the sky
Silent tears raging from my eyes
Faith outside this material world
Looking for trust in the ideas of a man named God
Where do I go from here?
Track Name: Times Flies
Hands on the clock wrap around my neck
Never enough, never enough time to live
to understand these color schemes
and the life of love and honesty
I kept begging for simplicity
All I got was insanity
From so many men
Fighting, dying, and arguing for nothing.
Some men have sold their souls
Some men paved the way with gold
Some men die for the answer
And some men just live with the cancer
Of fighting off faith and
Fending only for themselves.
So everyday it haunts me

And today
I only see
Love that is only skin deep
Love that is only a commodity
Love that fades away
Not Love that grows with my passing days
The death of Love between two lovers
Lost Love for Fathers and Mothers

Just like
I only see
Hope that we’ll never lose our money
Hope in a gun’s power for harmony
Hope lost in the hands of time
No Hope found in Heart and mind
No Hope built from honest relations
Lost Hope secured for this lost generation

All those years of believing in something
I’m starting to think I’ve found solace in nothing

I’d give everything for the truth

In my mind I’ll sometimes flashback to the day I found you and remember how ready I was to live life by your side
Never forgetting for one second who I was and what you had for me
But if you flash-forward to the life I’ve lived out it’s hard to see any trace of your love in me with all this self consumption
Was this all for nothing? Why do I even exist? Cause when time spreads it’s wings I’m left lost and wondering will you ever come back for me.

What is the purpose of life!
Everyday it haunts me
What is the purpose of life!
Everyday it burns in my head
What is the purpose of life!
Can you even tell me
What is the purpose of life!
And if a single thought in my head seemed true I’d say

This world won’t stop until you fall