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I Had a Million Thoughts in My Head

by Empathy

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1.
Living Loud 01:50
We are the youth Sick of war Sick of power and disinformation Sick of being lied to We’re landing on our feet And running as fast as we can Not waiting for Every bitter old man to die Every wolf to feed on its prey Because we’re the kids fighting without weapons And using our minds I woke up today with a million thoughts in my head About what this place will make of me Still stuck in this personal hell I’ve made for myself But now I see I’m not alone I can’t do this on my own So many thoughts in my head
2.
Capital I 02:30
Locked in my self doubt I will never escape As the waters of my depression Start rising to my waist It feels like merely living has been my selfless accomplishment And I’m so sick and tired Of trial and error The conditions are bleek All morale is challenged In this town where I know my fate Is in sync with all my past regrets But the first world Comes at a price And too many times I forget Who I am and how to stand Life isn’t life when happiness comes on a piece of paper when beauty fades when want is need and when God is you and me But in my head I am truly dead I, I need, I needed this, I needed everything to go my way Because I’ve forgotten the difference between right and privilege I use to always romanticize The idea of my own suicide Just wishing that I could live with my heart in my hands Thinking no one cares Is truly unfair And I sit here Harboring my make believe While this cruel world Takes another life From a boy who would kill for mine
3.
Sleepless 02:52
Staying awake for too late again I light cigarettes that never calm my nerves I can’t settle down, I can’t settle in to my mediocrity lying here wanting this world to know That I breathe That I see That I act and react But I can’t fix all your problems Answer all your questions Because I can’t do the same for myself I lay awake at night Counting minutes, breathing slow And when I slip into my nightmares I see the visions of all the things That keep my heart at bay That keep me from moving on That keep me from living life That keep me from falling asleep 3 am and stuck in hell shut my eyes and fall from grace I try hard to face this and be bold But I always end up being too cold The people I love fade away Dreams disappear and I can't navigate I’ve got to find a way out
4.
The Past 05:01
Just wondering why oh why I ever acted on my feelings Just wishing I oh I could leave the place I’m living for the place that I am wanted Keeping seated in the pews of this church Bowing my head to reflect and regret It’s a wonder how her eyes met mine But now she’s gone and I swear to God that I won’t compromise But pushing forward isn’t easy I can’t compete with everyone fighting With so much history at stake I’m just looking for a place to plant my name Your head is filled with fear and loathing For the one who always stops your breathing And I can’t catch up To open up your lungs And open up your eyes Still wishing I could hide with her forever Blinded eyes stay mesmerized with every lie They keep inside to never realize they never lived their life Outside But pushing forward isn’t easy I can’t compete with everyone fighting With so much history at stake I’m just looking for a place to plant my name Your head is filled with fear and loathing For the one who always stops your breathing Are you even alive? So who am I stop you I’m scared of you And I hardly even know you But you hate me I’m dirt I’m waste I’m filth Well, I’m sorry for the dirt I’ve kicked in your eye but You’re never letting go Moving on Thinking straight Being wise Because those eyes keep you mesmerized We’re never letting go…
5.
The fear you keep so close Makes you feel safe inside The distance you keep from us Keeps you isolated This place is home for everyone We’re just strangers with the same beating pulse but my tolerance for the intolerant has been shaken Speak every filthy word About things you’ll never understand You can’t relate or appreciate The fact that some pave their own way Walked away from this beaten path Because we won’t die young I’m falling away before I beat myself To death Don’t you see? You have no room No room for hate No room for pointing fingers No room for labels No room for ignorance So just simply cut out your toungue Cut out your tongue Open up your mind
6.
Kids Today 01:48
I see these kids running full force into everything they love But you never let them have their say You think you’ve heard it all before You think you’ve seen it all before I understand you grew up here and run your mouth on how nothings the same Well I never got a chance to see the glory days but my time is now and this is my city where I’m gonna take every chance I’m given and give every chance back These bragging rights eat at me and they’re making us sick Well your jaded apathy won’t take everything I’ve grown to love away from me!
7.
Phoenix 02:25
I’ve been quiet for you I’m always trying for you Nineteen years flashed by in the blink of an eye Don’t let me cry here Don’t let me die here It’s a common misconception To think that when we die we fall all alone But this world falls by my side It’s looking me dead in the eye I want to be reborn into the better part of me All my time spent wishing Was the time I spent wasted Wasted away on everything Before I make that change I’ll burn away Burn away Still trying to expand my search Standing in the ashes of my rebirth
8.
Grave digger, give me a funeral to call my own Because living forward with fear is turning me inside out With every thought that creates this paradox, I’m scarred Then I heard from the clouds give me your hands and I’ll tell you to never be afraid What a lie I can create What a mistake I’ve made To let you inside this nightmare called my mind. If only I was stronger If only I was better If only I could be what they want me to be So now conviction’s lost but if I’ve lived and loved I think it’s safe to say That I have lived enough Hand in hand to the sky Silent tears raging from my eyes Faith outside this material world Looking for trust in the ideas of a man named God Where do I go from here?
9.
Times Flies 04:52
Hands on the clock wrap around my neck Never enough, never enough time to live to understand these color schemes and the life of love and honesty I kept begging for simplicity All I got was insanity From so many men Fighting, dying, and arguing for nothing. Some men have sold their souls Some men paved the way with gold Some men die for the answer And some men just live with the cancer Of fighting off faith and Fending only for themselves. So everyday it haunts me And today I only see Love that is only skin deep Love that is only a commodity Love that fades away Not Love that grows with my passing days The death of Love between two lovers Lost Love for Fathers and Mothers Just like I only see Hope that we’ll never lose our money Hope in a gun’s power for harmony Hope lost in the hands of time No Hope found in Heart and mind No Hope built from honest relations Lost Hope secured for this lost generation All those years of believing in something I’m starting to think I’ve found solace in nothing I’d give everything for the truth In my mind I’ll sometimes flashback to the day I found you and remember how ready I was to live life by your side Never forgetting for one second who I was and what you had for me But if you flash-forward to the life I’ve lived out it’s hard to see any trace of your love in me with all this self consumption Was this all for nothing? Why do I even exist? Cause when time spreads it’s wings I’m left lost and wondering will you ever come back for me. What is the purpose of life! Everyday it haunts me What is the purpose of life! Everyday it burns in my head What is the purpose of life! Can you even tell me What is the purpose of life! And if a single thought in my head seemed true I’d say This world won’t stop until you fall

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released October 9, 2012

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